Ask JO’L

Dear Jackie,
I recently found out that the garden where I spent my seedling days is about to be destroyed. You were so successful at saving “Grand Pumpkin Station”! What must I do to preserve my personal pumpkin station?
Yours,
Almost Squashed Memories

Almost Squashed,
Awww, so sorry to hear that another wonderful garden is about to be lost. Will they never learn? I recommend a “grass roots” approach to your problem. Plant to plant, reach out to all your neighboring plants and mobilize. Now I recognize this is difficult for plants, which are inherently stationary, but you just MUST take a stand. Stake yourselves in unison—that was SO effective with saving “Grand Pumpkin Station”. And whatever happens remember you have may allies out there to call upon: bees, ladybugs, some birds, and old ladies in big hats are ALL out there willing and able to join your cause! Whatever happens, Almost Squashed, remember you are not alone!
JO’L

Dear JO’L,
Help! After watching the amount of time I sunbathe, feasting on the right kind of fertilizers, and never taking too much to drink, I still have managed to develop some sort of rash on the side of my face. How do you keep your skin to smooth?
Thanks,
Pumpkin Acne

Dear Pumpkin Acne,
Don’t fret, my dear. It’s as normal as can be to have a, what we could call, “bad” side. We all get that spot. You know the one—where we lay all summer, yet all the rest of us is plump and perfect! Do what I do: Turn your best face forward, and cover that bad spot with a hat. A pill box hat looks SO wonderful on pumpkins! But of course any style will do.
JO’L

Dear Jackie,
I’m so jealous of your perfect skin tone. How do you manage to stay such a juicy orange?
-Pumptone

Dear Pumptone:
I’ll tell you, but you MUST promise to not breath a word of it. My orange tone you admire is achieved through PhotoShop! Shhhhhh. Don’t tell.
JO’L

Dear JO’L,
The pumpkin sharing my vine is hogging all of the nutrients, ultraviolet light, and water. What’s a roomy to do?
Thanks,
Wasting Away

Dear Wasting Away,
It is, I’m afraid to say, time to get out that old serrated knife. A quick slice on that bad girl’s vine, and you’ll have all the nutrients, light and water you can handle. It is, darling, the kindest cut of all! 
JO’L

Dear Jackie,
Root rot. What more can I say?
-Pick-Me-Soon

Dear Pick-Me-Soon,
You’ve answered your question with your name—you are the perfect candidate for the “we can’t wait till Halloween” carvers! Hopefully your farmer has the good sense to see that you are ripe, ripe, ripe and ready to go. I just know you’ll be the brightest and FIRST Jack (or Jackie) O’ Lantern of the season. Best of luck, Pick Me, and Happiest of Halloween to us all!
JO’L